Skoomtown Factions

The Flight Crew, led by Captain Martha

Your Flight Crew Needs You!

We may not be the most glamorous faction, we cannot offer you the indolent lifestyle of a Royal or the spiritual fulfilment of a cult member, but what we have is our guts, our guile and our glorious ability to drink a whole bottle of whiskey without batting an eye!

We in the Flight Crew know that, without our scrupulous attention and can-do attitude, this ship will never make it out of Earth's orbit. It is down to us and us alone to make sure this voyage successfully reaches its destination, regardless of the hurdles ahead.

When all others succumb to panic in the face of an oncoming meteor shower it will be our talented pilots that carry us through the danger. When an infestation of space mosquitos takes up residence in the artificial gravity controls, it will be our fearless officers that strap on their sticky boots and eradicate the swarm with nothing but their wits and a nerf gun. When a drunken Royal spills their cup of Buckfastleigh Tonic Wine on the navigation panel and puts the ship on a collision course for a black hole, who else but our brilliant engineers will be able to strip out the caffeinated residue and return the control panel to perfect operation.

We are the backbone of this ship, overworked and underappreciated but nevertheless the best of the best! If you feel like someone who's talents would suit the Flight Crew then sign up today!

The Wizards' Council, led by Magistrate Arcane Ben the Necromancer

Wizards, warlocks, arcanists, and all other magically inclined disciplines! Thou art summoned to the Wizard's Council at Skoomtown 2024!

We are the invaluable consultants & collaborators behind the Flight Crew's success, we are the most honoured advisors to the Royal Family & their loyal entourage, and we recently utilised our niche expertise to assist the Cult of Craig in preventing his divine wrath from dooming our upcoming journey. If you want to make a difference in every area of Skoomtown, what better place to be?

"But Ben!" You say, "I have yet to begin my formal studies!". Worry not, my friends, all levels of magical talent will be accepted on the Council, for all perspectives are equal (except for Rambletoes the Disgraced Necromancer).

Put on your thinking hats, don your finest spellcasting socks, and sign up to join the Wizards!

The Cult of Craig Beckons...

Come and partake, tunes keeping your soul awake, no pause nor break, healing that heartache. Partake in the journey, create and make for your own sake, your crafts never fake. Have faith not opaque, never a mistake, nor left so vague when you join the Cult of Craig.

Follow the rhythm of the beat, deep down, move those dancing feet. Hear the hypnotic drone of the beat, chants of piety, for the soul to be complete. Snort the bump to the beat, three, two, one, some nose candy oh so sweet. Craig's heartbeat on repeat, to never deplete, no deceit, just our treat. Let us compete, our methods not at all discrete, our athletes never cheat, no baggie we can't defeat. Without you, the heat of the beat is oh so incomplete. New leadership; Alice and Nori will meet and greet, as we drop this sick beat.

A prayer for Craig our deity, to renew our piety; descend upon our reality, abolish our anxiety, bless our society, through holy spontaneity. Show us how to party, to be hearty, revel in ways so arty we stop and ask "we're so great, aren't we?"

Drop to our knees with ease, so pleased, set us free. Hands up if you agree, make a buzz like the bees, we hold strong like mighty trees. There's no hidden fees, you get what you see, clerics of partying expertise to guide us, sacred trustees in deez Nuts, lol get'em.

To be one of these and to follow a trusted decree, to be a smarty and all farty, to leave the homogeneity and join the deities, to join the fleet that dance to his beat, let's spread the party plague and shout "PRAISE CRAIG!!"

Royal Fam, Assemble!

Yo. Yoooooo! YOOOOOOOOO! Where my Royal Fam at? Where my Regal Raverz™ at? The (democratically elected) King of Skoomtown iz in tha place and is looking for a Noble Contingent of fucking ledges to kick it with.

I may be the current elected king for this short cycle around the sun, but I'm not the sorta dude to get wrapped up in superiority. I can see royal energy in all of you, a little golden flicker of light that’s just waiting to grow and help trigger a vibe explosion.

The other factions try to lead you astray, most of all the Cult of Craig, who believe you have to worship a third entity just to get jiggy with it. By joining the royals you swear a royal allegiance to only the pure fucking vibz. I say love yourself, love others and rave hard!

By harnessing our raw energy from within we’ll be guided by its incandescent glow, leading us to levels of dope, sick and wicked unimaginable to mere mortals.

So ssssslapp on your royal attire - don’t forget the royal shades. Together we are all ROYAL ENERGY®